July 2024

There was a time when dating was organic. You met someone through friends, at work, in a coffee shop. There was effort, nervousness, excitement. A slow unfolding of emotions.

Then came Tinder.

And suddenly, dating became gamified.

Swipe left, swipe right. Instant dopamine hits. The thrill of a match. The illusion of abundance.

Now, romance is a marketplace.

From Connection to Consumption

Dating apps didn’t just change how people meet. They changed what people expect from dating.

• Endless choices → Fear of settling
  There’s always another swipe, another match, another “better” option. Why invest when you can replace?
• Casual by default → Commitment is cringe
  Apps normalized low-effort dating. A quick chat, a half-baked plan, a half-hearted attempt at connection. If it gets complicated? Ghost.
• Looks over everything → The death of chemistry
  Attraction is now reduced to seconds on a screen. If you don’t fit the algorithm’s version of “hot,” good luck.
• Validation over relationships → Dating as content
  Some people aren’t even dating anymore—they’re collecting matches for ego boosts, using dating apps for Instagram clout, or swiping just to feel wanted.

And because of this, dating today feels more like a job interview than a romance.

Dating Apps Are Built for Engagement, Not Love

These platforms aren’t designed to help you find “the one.” They’re designed to keep you on the app.

Why? Because that’s where the money is.

The longer you swipe:
✅ The more ads you see.
✅ The more you pay for “Boost” and “Super Likes.”
✅ The more the app thrives.

Dating apps don’t want you to win. They want the system to win.

The Social Media Effect

And of course, this all loops back to social media.

• Instagram & TikTok dating advice → More focus on aesthetics, less on actual connection.
• Hinge voice prompts & Tinder bios → Turning personality into a performance.
• Posting dates online → Validation over intimacy.

Now, everyone is terrified of rejection because rejection doesn’t just happen in private anymore—it happens in front of an audience.

And so, we’ve reached a weird place:

More ways to meet people than ever. More lonely people than ever.

Dating isn’t about finding someone you like. It’s about finding someone who meets the checklist, who looks good on your feed, who keeps you entertained until the next best thing arrives.

Which brings us to Part 3: Attention as Currency. Because ultimately, that’s what dating, friendship, and life online are all about now.